Lady Problems (I Want Him To Do Everything)

So there's a fun lady problem I've been having lately. I say lately, really, it's been the last month and a half. When I say that God Hates Women, I'm not trying to be funny or controversial, I mean it just like I say it. God totes hates the ladyfolk. I don't blame him. We ruined paradise. We tempted and tainted man. And by "we", I mean one lady maybe a long ass time ago maybe not even at all, maybe I'm a lunatic. Who knows.

Occasionally, my brain will get all worked up about something and I'll feel sharp and observant. Other times, I will have my weepy head shoved so far up my dysfunctioning pubis that I feel run down and useless. Yesterday was one of Those days. I felt fat. "You're not fat, Brit; you're pregnant". Well news flash, Person Trying to Make Me Feel Better, once I'm all done being pregnant, I'll just be fat. And I know I'm being overreactive, but again, it was just one of those days. I was also in extraordinary amounts of pain and moving slowly only seemed to accentuate how This. Is. The. End. of my life, boring as it was to start. 

I'm rambling now. I get it. Next topic.

Today being Father's Day and all, I've been thinking about everything I ever wanted to do as a kid. Which of the things I got to do. Which of the things I never did. Which of the things I never wanted to do that ended up being beneficial. I think about all of this and I wonder what sort of configuration Herbert is going to be working with. Will he be like myself when I was little? Quiet and serious with an appreciation for mayonnaise? Or will he be like Nick? I'm told he was quiet and serious until his mom made him socialize with other kids for fear of him become a sociopath. I want him to be good at things I am good at because it'll be easier to bond with him. On the other hand, I want him to be great at things I'm terrible at so that, together, we might all form an impressive, well-rounded human being. I want him to try everything. I want all the potential his little mind possess to be thrown against the wall like spaghetti and I want to focus on everything that sticks. 

I want everything for him. 

I want him to do everything.

But first,

I need to stop being such a fatty.