Raspberries

I'll skip the introduction and give you the diagnosis - 

 

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
(PCOS)

 

What does this mean? Well, the way she described it,

ovaries tend to look like eggs. And mine? Well.

Mine look like raspberries.

 

I don't ovulate on a schedule like I'm supposed to, so after a period of weirdness (no pun intended), my brain pumps me full of chemicals to force ovulation. And then the real period of weirdness begins!

 

She echoed the sentiments of the doctor who had performed a similar check on me some 3 years ago, saying that getting pregnant would be very difficult under these circumstances. In fact, having heard that at the time, I believe I'd gone home, told Nick all about it, and we had embarrassingly uncareful sex for two months before finding out I was pregnant. Some difficulty, huh?

 

But I'm older now. And not able to try as dutifully as I might need to in order to conceive. If I'm being honest, and of course I am, I am more than a little bummed at the idea that Herb might be an only child. It's more for him, you know. I can barely handle him alone, and that's WITH my family's help. I am sick all the time, it seems. Headaches. Stomachaches. Bodyaches. 

Probably this is for the best.

 

Apparently, PCOS also comes with an overproduction of androgene - a male hormone. This can cause acne and facial hair. Actually, she said, "unwanted" facial hair, but it's been wanted since I was a kid. Alas, no stache or beard to speak of. I never get anything I want.

 

I never did start the birth control that Jared prescribed, but I have begun a different birth control the lady gave me. Taytulla? Low dose, she said. But yesterday felt pretty awful, and I'd taken my pill just 30 minutes prior to The Event. 

(The Event - thought I was dying)

 

I might STILL die. I don't know. The doctor hasn't called me back yet. 

 

It's difficult for me to focus today.

I feel really heavy and tired and my head hurts like

I got hit with something. 

Did I ever tell you how hard I hit my head a few months ago?

Didn't think much of it, but I can't help but hear the Dr. G narrator in my head - 

 

The seemingly harmless blow to her head had actually disrupted blood flow, which explained the headaches she experienced in the weeks that followed. The contraceptive, which can sometimes cause rare, but serious bloodclotting, found this injury a perfect nesting place. She never knew what hit her.