Alcoholism (and other things I don't have)

I had one gin and tonic yesterday at the pool hall.

Four gin and tonics and several beers six days before that.

I am keeping track because alcoholics don't keep track. 

Did I hear that right?

 

I'm counting the hours between drinks wondering

when the next soonest and most appropriate moment

to drink again will be.

 

Alcoholics don't do that. They don't consider the optics.

They just drink.

Did I hear that right?

 

I am the walking dead, I feel.

Is that an oxymoron?

 

I don't have any goals or hopes or aspirations. 

There's nothing I'm working toward, there's no

beach blanket waiting for when I arrive. 

Where and who knows and so what and what if

I never get where I'm not sure I'm going.

Big big big and deal deal deal. 

 

Home life is treacherous.

This coffee is disgusting.